you can run away leave your books behind you

but you should look back twice
just to be on the safe side



my heart is aching.
for the first time now my heart is aching for leaving finland behind. and this was all because of Jarno who wrote the following:
"she's moving again!
Little-Finland wasn't the answer for the winds of ze world. The homeless has a home everywhere :)
But as always, there is a place for you in Finland also:
'Callie, in the summer rain
You will be kept dry, you see.'"


don't you just love goodbyes.

but i thought you said summer is going to take the pain away

and i gave up already in august. i guess i'll wait until next summer then.


veera came to visit me from helsinki. and she is lovely she is. people like her make the waiting a little easier, the waiting doesn't feel as heavy on your neck when there is a veera jumping around with your camera stand or planting tulips or sleeping next to you in your t-shirt. now veera and i have experienced all seasons together once. i hope we'll share a nice pretty series of all seasons over and over again.

i can guarantee you this is a cloud of smoke trying to occupy space

you wrote as much for yourself as for me

i have a notebook that is getting filled with texttexttext. last thing added to it was a letter from Hai in which he wrote about how he loves the smell of my hair and how he is turning into a cockroach.
















and i write letters to people into it also, ripping off the pages then later on. and i know: i am writing as much for myself as for them.

and we frolicked about in our summer skin

because it's the first real fall-day, i let some photos from the summer to visit the polaroidmakercomputerprogram.
summer to me was
- longing for the fall
- smoking
- friends
- somebody tickling your back
- smoking with friends
- ambulance after midsummer
- longing for the fall
- smoking alone
- longing for the fall and smoking
- way out west
- fika

p.s. the text seems to be oh-so messed up but me and html don't get along because i think he has a very cocky attitude and he thinks that i'm not even trying to understand him. this relationship needs more tlc.

save your speeches, flowers are for funerals

remember me as a time of the day

this blog is dying. slowly. but surely.

the water's warm and children swim

i've come to hate my body and all that it requires in this world

(i hate the big decisions that cause endless revisions in my mind)

and as the flash bulbs burst she holds a smile like someone would hold a crying child

20081221



long ago, stream of consciousness-drawing with the love of my life who all in a sudden can turn so difficult and you can't reach her via phone nor internet and you get frustrated but not for a second do you love her any less.