try to figure out and laugh yourself to the showers, burn yourself alive and join the monster squad, they say in this place you can reinvent yourself

in this place you can reinvent yourself

in the middle of the summer i'm not sleeping

i really don't have the energy to edit photos anymore nowadays.

ps. veera is my favourite person atm. cars and fields!!

and i've damaged my brain, next weekend lets do it again

Paris tu paries Paris que je te quitte que je change de cap de capitale Paris tu paries Paris que je te quitte que je te plaque sur tes trottoirs sale

so i was the lucky one, reading letters not writing them, taking pictures of anyone i know

i feel bad about everything* and i have few thoughts of my own.


* =
- future and all of it's possibilities that seems so exciting that i can only feel bad about it because it scares me
- books and music and films because i don't indulge (probably a wrong word but i just can't find the right one so i'll settle with this one) them in great amounts and that makes me feel so uncultivated
- kids, pancakes, west side story, romances, giving your phone number written on a match box to a stranger that asked you to dance and didn't taste good at all and who told you his name though you weren't interested in hearing it, clothes, hair, skin, sleeping, walking, summer, rooftops, lotion, showers, mirrors, bruises, bruising.

because these are even nice things but i manage to stress about each one of them in one way or another. today indeed i manage to feel bad about everything everything. i'll get a grip of myself tomorrow or next year.

a heart that beats as both siphon and reservoir

i spent two weeks in paris last fall.
boys were skinny and confused just like they ought to be.

addressed to another skinny and confused boy:
i listened to jeff buckley's "morning theft" with my eyes closed, loud, in the dark, just like you told me to. and yes, it really is magnificent. i also watched quadrophenia and the cider house rules, like you told me to. they too were great. the latter made me cry twice.

me ei olla mitään teinejä enää

ja meidän piti mennä kouluihin
ja piti pitää tätä hommaa pystyssä
jos sä et mene kohta kouluihin
jos sä et tee mitä ne odottaa
niin ne ei kato sua hyvällä, beibe


post scriptum: these are raw-versions because nowadays i rarely edit any photos due to QUANTITY OVER QUALITY and i am just too damn lazy okay.

but i just cant get enough electric shocks i want to buy a lighthouse and ride a giraffe on the rocks hey i dont give up

I came to think of the day exactly a year ago and how I never thought that 365.242199 days later I'd be here because I thought that I'd always stay there like that with that boy.

But right now i'm just feeling like this:

about it all. Now I am living the type of life that I was secretly longing for all the time.